Tag Archives: The Russians Came Knocking

The Russians Came Knocking

27 Jul

The first Josh pulp is up at Amazon and Smashwords!  It will take some time to populate to Barnes & Noble and other places, and I’ll update the links on this page when it does.

Cover art by Jenny Romanchuk of THE ZOMBIE HUNTERS.

Cover art by Jenny Romanchuk of THE ZOMBIE HUNTERS.

This story will never be sold through the comic’s store because it has smutty bits and my service providers have very strict terms regarding what can be distributed through my site and storefront.  I’m a little skittish about putting something with sex scenes out there, but our house is costing us thousands of dollars each month in repairs and the Romance genre is the main seller for e-books.  So, I’m letting Josh be Josh.  He does not mind in the slightest.

Except for slightly more explicit sex scenes, TRCK follows the typical pulp fiction format.  Adventure, mysterious foreign persons, suspicious murders, and so on.  There’s some damseling, but I’m not overly fretting; I had to add an entire chapter where Josh talks to a male character, or the entire story would have failed a reverse Bechdel Test.

I also wrote TRCK for long-time AGAHF readers. The story is very much Josh being Josh — a large part of Josh is Teh Sexytimz, but it’s a 36k-word novella and the sex scenes take up 4,000 of those. The other 32,000 words are Josh being Josh in his many other marvelous ways.

Man, I’m apologizing too much for the sex.

I’ll apologize for the squirrels instead.

I’m sorry for the squirrels.

BUY THIS BOOK AT AMAZON (.mobi)

BUY THIS BOOK AT SMASHWORDS (multiple formats)

Josh Glassman, Book 1 – Cover detail

18 Jun

In between paid work, comic work, and slow progress on MAKER SPACE, I’ve been writing Josh smut.  Well, no.  Josh pulp.  It originally started out as a erotica novelette but I was shocked at how quickly that became the most boring thing ever.  Ever.  Like, ever.  Apparently I need to have a plot or a conspiracy or something other than genitals banging together if it’s going to form a book.  I abandoned the project for a while and then it hit me: Pulp.

Classic pulp fiction is… oh God.  It’s delicious.  It’s utter madness in a tight hundred-plus pages.  There’s sex and gun battles and explosions and more MacGuffins than in all the British Isles.  So Joshsmut has been heavily edited and changed from porn to pulp, and is much more fun to write.

Which means……*drumroll*…… A classic pulp cover!

Screw you, bra!  You ain't getting my bananas!

Go, bra!  Fly!  Be free!

Classic pulp covers are beautiful.  Just tears-to-the-eye perfection.  Every one of them screams the story of a gifted artist struggling to make rent. Sitting alone in their studio apartment… The phone call comes… The voice at the other end gives them a title, a deadline, and, if they’re lucky, a description of the characters. “Make it sexy,” says the voice.  “Put them on a boat or something.  Boats are sexy.”

“But the title is Love in the Desert,” the artist says, already knowing the answer.

“Sand boats, then.”

It’s decades after the fact but when you look at these covers, you can still hear the artist sobbing madly on their canvas.  Sometimes they got the characters on the page and then gave up (see: Weirdo Stud).  Other times, the minimalist background really works (See: original cover for Bare Trap).  Some of the best ones still stand out as examples of top-notch design layout, and are better than the covers available on many current mass-market novels.

"M'lady," the creeper asks, "Can I bring you some predrunk brandy?"

“M’lady,” the creeper asks, “Can I bring you a glass of predrunk brandy?”

But there is definitely a Male Gaze issue to be considered.  As in: the ladies are usually there for one purpose, and it is not to save the world through science.  So while it can be said that these vintage covers are Quite Awesome, it is better said that these covers were Quite Awesome for the Times but Have Become Extremely Squicky.

With this in mind, I’ve been working with my good buddy Jenny to do a modern version of a vintage pulp cover.  Same painted styles, same great textures, same over-the-top titles and fonts, with text galore! all over the cover page.  But, you know, no exposed ladyparts* or submissive poses.

So here’s a sneak peek at the roughs for the first Josh pulp: THE RUSSIANS CAME KNOCKING.

Text and roughs are placeholders, not final. And doncha love that dangling shoe?

Text and roughs are placeholders and will be changed for the final.  Don’t you just love that dangling shoe?

I’ll post an update when it’s completed.

*There are exceptions, of course.  This lady from MANHUNT is scorching.